It has been a long time since a man has yelled at me.
Screamed in my face with the intention to ‘put me in my place’.
It came from someone very dear to me
And they don’t realise the implication nor my body’s reaction to such a thing.
What I learned the most is how we wear our honesty on our sleeve
When intoxicated and a little approximated to the truth, it comes out and we are manipulated
Into believing that harm was not meant, intentions were pure and I am unsure
Of what I saw.
But that is merely the point.
More was said in the words left unspoken.
And the wrath in your eyes and the poorly disguised lies.
You are who you are when your emotions are in full swing
With a finger pointed at me, now I can’t remember a thing
Except that I should ‘get over myself’ when I see the man I love
Wrapping his arms around another.
Who defines under what circumstances that it shouldn’t bother?
Did you feel like I was mothering you all night?
Telling you not to drink, telling you not to smoke – calling out your name, did it provoke?
Our minds can be tricked with explanations and apologies
But our bodies know no words, our bodies speak no lie
At every point in this situation, I still feel the tension
We saw our true selves then, you and I.
It doesn’t matter how much you say you love me, where is your vulnerability?
Your openness, your willingness?
Or is that not how this works for you and me?
Your good intentions do not speak of your truth
Only your character and how protective you are
Of maintaining this equilibrium when in the face of rapture.
Emotions were heightened yet you still justify your right to
Do as you please, disregarding my needs.
Why do I still question the intention of your single deeds?
When the problem at root is your inability to see reason in loyalty
You don’t want a label, you don’t want commitment
So this gives way for behaviour otherwise deemed malignant.
You play a game so well with such little at stake for you
But you reap the pleasures anytime you feel it’s due
And threaten to walk away when it doesn’t satisfy you.
If we continue this way, this love, this lie
Our hearts will not align
For we will move into a world that no longer recognises you and I.