Last year, out of frustration and much love for myself, I fully put my hands up to the universe to do its way with me.
I came to a full realization that the universe had been presenting me with a paradox. And the paradoxical mystery goes like this.
- The choices you make for yourself are a result of your emotional wellbeing
- Your emotional wellbeing is the result of the choices you make for yourself.
It may seem obvious, but when you find yourself constantly fighting battles that do not serve you, the point of course-correction can get a little blurry.
Where do I begin?
How do I even out this paradox?
Or is it even one at all?
I suddenly became acutely aware of the constant dance between the two. Realizing the universe will always be in motion, I just needed to find a way to stop living in such polarity. That meant I stopped doing and started listening. I stopped doing from the outside in and started listening from the inside out.
I went from being the do-er to being the witness. And I landed in deep emotion and deep intuition. From there, I found stillness, and in stillness, I found insight.
Coming to this point was challenging but inevitable. When we are willing to face our emotions, in stillness and with no judgement, we open portals to deep wounds, deep healing and deep illumination. And so, you ride with it.
Working in this way means understanding our emotions, as a sacred priority instead of dealing with our feelings. I now recognize feelings as a working of the mind and a translation of emotion into something actionable.
Emotions are the root cause, while feelings are just the hormonal responses that help us better identify it. For the brain to survive, it must continuously process information and make ‘sense’ of our emotions. Thus cultivating a feeling that is easy to locate and help us form our decisions.
Except, does it help at all?
Fear, stupidity and love can potentially manifest in the same way physically.
If you feel possessed to move in a particular direction, how could you know the source of your motivation if you are dealing with your feelings? It doesn’t scratch the surface of your true intent or inner guidance.
Emotions are the deepest authentic parts of us.
It always will be and having full awareness of it can dramatically change our reality. As I noticed it did with mine.
Feelings keep us in a safe zone. They keep us stuck, repeating the same actions over and over again. We take action that serves an emotional response as opposed to our highest and authentic self.
This is not living from the heart; this is not living on purpose; this is not living our truth.
Understanding this is what it took for me to come out of the shadow play I was acting in.
It illuminated the false pretences I was living in.
It explained the dissonance between my intuition and my mind.
It was the sole reason for my discomfort.
Repeatedly acting out of alignment only justifies the misguided labelling of our emotions as correct.
Making decisions in this misaligned state means repeatedly getting stuck playing roles we don’t want for ourselves. It is at this point we sit back and ask ourselves, ‘What am I doing with my life?’
This lack of understanding of what we should be doing leads us in a search for true meaning and purpose. Namely, looking for it ‘out-there’.
The problem is that we generally look for this in the wrong places, and we do it time and time over that we lose sight of what’s truly important for us. We walk away from relationships instead of working at them. We jump from one job to another instead of fine-crafting our skills, and we relocate to find peace and happiness instead of finding peace within.
This constant search perpetuates a vicious cycle. The very act of searching and seeking energetically reinforces that you are not where you want to be and will take us further and further from where we need to be.
And that is in ourself, in our body, in our centre.
Because seeking indicates that what we need to live a completely fulfilled life can be found on the outside, it places responsibility on the other for our needs. We don’t know what we want, so we hope to come across it, to finally be rewarded with purpose after a ‘long and arduous’ search for meaning.
Staying in alignment with what is right for you means to align your actions with what you want for yourself. And if you don’t know what that means for you, I say, stop trying.
Be still. Be silent.
By cultivating inner stillness, you hold space for the world to keep spinning on its own and letting true intent reveal itself. This is the delicate balance between action and non-action.
You can begin with your beliefs, preconceptions and ideas about whatever situation you are in but resist the urge to change any of it. Sit in your silence and expect to see clarity. You will acquire wisdom, and you will eventually make it your own.
You raise a thought that I used to find frightening in my life:
• Is the notion of living based on emotion really the antithesis of finding peace within ?
•How do we clarify the difference between what is truly peace & laying the burden on others for our own pre-conceived
beliefs of what “it” is we need to have peace
These are questions I grew to brood over for many years of my life & despite living through what you eloquently put as a vicious cycle, I did make a self observation.
Disavowing myself of any emotion, be it anger , happiness , love , sadness , only served to alienate me not only from living, but also from being, well me.
How do I still allow these natural chemical & spiritual reactions to occur without it constantly leading me to the same choices due to affinities based on my experiences in life so far?
The answer I sought was deeper and I agree with you wholeheartedly in regards to finding inner stillness.
Finding it was terrifying, particularly the realisation of coming face to face of with potential demons inside me as well as the parts of my soul I wouldn’t admit too.
Being able to escape, in escapism in itself, I found the ability to self develop in a way I didn’t think possible, being able to step back from my emotions and not shackle them became invaluable.
The ability to let things be, have provided me with the knowledge of what should be, not that I have the arrogance to even think that is even across the board.
So without rambling on & on, I leave it at this , I am truly happy for you, finding your stillness is no easy feat, & sadly I can only assume the hardship it took you to set off on that journey to find it.
Long may you keep it